To my family and friends,
I know it has been some time since I have updated all of you about the happenings in my rather mundane life. If I haven’t talked to you in awhile you might be surprised. So far 2009 has been a rather interesting and busy year for some reason.
A few weeks ago I received an e-mail that my Bank One checking account had been compromised. I found it rather odd that they would be contacting me because I do not have a bank one account. After a failed attempt at digging through the mountain of junk mail in the corner of the living room I concluded that my bank must have been bought out by the up and coming bank one. I was so proud of myself when I remembered to go back and follow the directions in the e-mail to provide the new bank all of my personal information. Shortly after I clicked send my phone rang and it was an operator from the same bank. The operator stated that she needed some more information from me. The sweet young thing must have a hearing problem because I had to spell my mom’s maiden name for her 5 times before she got it right. I hope she remembered where her car is parked when she got off work that night! Shortly after that night I noticed in my bank statements that my account balance was zero! I can only assume that this is due to the fact that my account had been compromised and they were waiting until it was clear to put the money back into my account.
I have a friend in Nigeria now who is going through a string of bad luck lately. Can you believe his wife left him and his kids were sent up for foster care and adoption when his business went under and he was put into prison? Fortunately though I think his luck may be changing for the better very soon due to a large payoff from a lawsuit from a car accident he was in many years ago. He is even going to share some of the money with me as long as I can continue to deposit his off-shore checks into my account and then transfer them back to him. Hopefully his checks will begin arriving shortly because I still have not heard of a resolution from my bank account problem.
I know you would never peg me for being one to gamble but it seems that someone in London bought a lottery ticket and put in my e-mail address because the London lottery has been leaving me voicemails while I am at work trying to get in touch with me to get my personal information to have the money transferred into my account. I can’t wait, I already have a list of things I would like to purchase:
· A semi-load of those shamwow towels that they advertise on late night television would be nice. If I had a load of them I would take them to the flooded regions of the country and help “soak up” the flood waters.
· I would definitely have to buy one of those wonderful snuggie blankets. I mean wouldn’t it be cool to walk around with one on looking like a monk?
I bought one of those ListenUp devices that they have been advertising in the infomercials on the television. I figured it would be really nice to finally hear what people are saying about me under their breath. When I received it the other day I tested it and could hear two cotton balls rubbing together. This also forced me to stop wearing the jogging pants that make the swishing noise with each step I would take. I can’t wait until I take this gem to the beach and can listen to what all of the lucky ladies have to say about my amazing body!
My love life has been getting interesting lately, I receive random instant messages from women who claim that they have found my personal profiles and that they are going to be moving to my area in a few weeks and is looking for friends with benefits. Sometimes I almost send a message back but then I remember the many episodes of Dateline with Mr Hansen and his show to catch a predator, a person only makes those mistakes once…
Though most of the messages I receive are not real, I’m sure this special young lady in Kazistan is a keeper. She says that she’s moving to America and if I’m interested and will let her stay with me for awhile we could make a really good couple. I am anxiously awaiting her arrival next week! I have many things planned to do with her but one of the first things will be to drive to Vegas and get married so she does not get departed back to Kazistan.
As you can see this year has been fairly busy, If I have time I will try to keep everyone up to date on what is going on with my bank account problem and I will not forget my friends with my Nigerian friend begins to pay up! J
Have a wonderful Spring!
